


Share Coke With Your Friends

by royaltyofaurorablue



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 01:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15853842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/royaltyofaurorablue/pseuds/royaltyofaurorablue
Summary: Here's a weird fourth wall AU where the characters treat themselves as actors and to make it funny; there's actually filming. It's totally crack.Stress reliever, really.





	Share Coke With Your Friends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jacpin2002](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacpin2002/gifts).



**NARUTO does not belong to me. Anything copyrighted does not either.**

**This is a crack forth-wall that's Actor AU treated. It was inspired by my old fic about the characters finding themselves in fics and it's better than them seeing the fanart—the NSFW version.**

– **xxx – xxx – xxx –**

“Why the fuck are we wearing cloaks in the desert?” Deidara demanded while he fanned himself with his hand because it's hot and he's going to melt pretty soon. “How do we survive this heat into this bullshit?” He gestured to himself.

 

Sasori turned his head slowly and the blond doesn't want to comment that it reminded him of The Exorcist. The redhead would get ideas and Deidara already fears for his health when October comes by. “That's not the line,” the redhead told him amused.

 

“I don't give a fuck. It's hot and I'm going to melt,” Deidara hissed out. “How could you not be burning up?”

 

“I was born here,” Sasori answered amused before he slowly walked away with that big ugly puppet thing. The blond forget its name but he's gotta tell ya. He likes how Sasori actually looks even when it's creepy how young he looks when he's in his thirties; well his character is.

 

“That does not mean you're not burning up,” Deidara retorted.

 

“Just focus on this episode and not bitching,” Sasori answered.

 

The redhead would never reveal the reason why he's cool inside Hiruko was the portable fan inside the stuffy puppet.

 

– xxx –

 

“This was the polite way to say he bitches the loudest from Itachi,” Sasori mused when it wasn't his line and he smirked when Sakura let out a snort despite herself.

 

“EXCUSE YOU?!” Naruto shouted proving his point.

 

Deidara laughed before he calmed down himself to do his scene.

 

Sasori eyed him because this was his part. “Are you killing Gaara with your weight?” He asked instead his line.

 

Deidara felt shaking due to the silent laughter of the other redhead. “I don't hear him wheezing, you dick. Now get over and try your best killing me off when you're inside that ugly thing,” the blond retorted. That's how the scene happened and it's too bad they couldn't film that instead.

 

He almost got his ass pieced by the puppet so he had to call a truce with the redhead before he left in the air after his bird swallows the Kazekage's corpse.

 

– xxx –

 

“I'm pleasantly surprised to see you, grandmother. I'm shocked a house hasn't dropped on you yet,” Sasori said while he pulled the cloak from him with a smirk.

 

“Oh, my darling grandson--- Why the hell do you look young? I did not look like that when I was in my thirties,” Chiyo hissed out caught off guard.

 

“That's your problem,” Sasori retorted.

 

“He had to sacrifice a goat to get that young,” Sakura mumbled.

 

Sasori eyed her amused before they started to battle.

 

“You're an asshole,” Sakura told him while she was trying to not pass out from the wound. It wasn't her line but she doesn't care.

 

Sasori raised a brow at her. “I didn't make you jump to save my rotten grandmother,” he retorted.

 

“He says the sweetest things, doesn't he?” Chiyo whispered while she was on the ground trying to catch her breath.

 

“I care,” the pinkette retorted.

 

“How the hell can you care for someone you just met?” Sasori questioned.

 

Sakura made a sound. “I have no idea. I don't know why she saved her either,” the pinkette said.

 

Sasori smirked. “She's a Konoha kunoichi, Sakura. They literally bleed kindness,” he said.

 

Sakura stared at him while Chiyo's lips twitched. “You're awful,” the pinkette told him smiling.

 

They went back filming after they got over telling shitty jokes.

 

“You killed your grandson just like that,” the pinkette said shock staring at Sasori's body and resisting the urge to poke it with her boot. She thinks he's dead because Chiyo doubles tapped it like you would do in Zombieland.

 

“I had to do it,” Chiyo told her sincerely.

 

“You didn't have to look so pleased while you were doing it,” Sakura whispered.

 

– xxx –

 

“You're alive?” Deidara questioned taken back pointing at the old woman who frowned at him and he may have forgotten he doesn't have arms right now but whatever. “How?”

 

“What does that mean? You ask me but not her?” Chiyo demanded.

 

“She broke the rock, yeah. I can see her surviving more then you,” Deidara retorted.

 

– xxx –

 

“We're going to see Sasuke again, Sakura-chan! It's going to be great,” Naruto shouted walking to the destination.

 

They heard someone let out a laugh in the background before they were hushed. They relate to that because they have seen the volume. It's not going to be great.

 

“I do not understand why he would go to a person who takes an interest in children,” Sai whispered.

 

“I don't think his brother thought he would either,” Sakura whispered back.

 

“He put the hatred inside him too well,” Naruto said nodding.

 

“Who made him an asshole?” Sai asked.

 

“That's just Sasuke,” Naruto and Sakura told him.

 

“I can hear you from here,” Sasuke retorted from the above with his hands on his hips giving them a deadpan look.

 

“We know!” They shouted.

 

They carried on the scene when Sakura resisted the urge to smack the dark-haired man across the head because who gave him the goal to kill off his best friend? The Uchiha's do relationships very differently. Maybe this is why they became nearly extinct.

 

– xxx –

 

“How was the mission?” Tsunade asked.

 

“Obviously bad since he's not here,” Naruto retorted.

 

Tsunade's lips twitched into a smile.

 

“I had to ask anyway,” the blonde told the other blond.

 

“You're just being a shithead,” Naruto said pouting.

 

– xxx –

 

“I'm tired of crying over this prick,” Sakura whispered on her bed while she tried to shed tears. “Like she sees him the first time and she goes back to be his fangirl, it's sad how she's treated,” she pointed out.

 

“There, there” Sasori called out while he was typing on his phone sitting on her stage's seat. He's there because he's her ride since they live together. They met during their senior year at their high school and been asshole friends since.

 

“It's sad that she has more chemistry with this piece of shit who thinks he's funny over there then the one she actually loves,” Sakura said with a sniffle.

 

Sasori smirked.

 

– xxx –

 

“I wish to have breasts again,” the pinkette literally said when Hinata came to the show again and they shared a laugh.

 

“You will be a late bloomer,” Hinata told her smiling.

 

“She's sixteen while I'm in my early twenties, I want my breasts back,” Sakura said.

 

“It's alright,” Ino called out.

 

“Says you! Look at those! You can fuck off!” Sakura called out back.

 

Ino laughed from her seat.

 

– xxx –

 

“This asshole just killed a good guy so I'm going to put the fear inside him when I get him back,” Shikamaru told the cameras smiling sincerely. “He will be wishing this God to have mercy on him,” he said.

 

“Yikes,” Sakura whispered.

 

“Rest in shit, Hidan” Ino shouted.

 

“I had to do it!” Hidan called out from his seat.

 

“Oh fuck off with that bullshit! You didn't have to do it. You did it because you wanted to kill someone that's actually great,” Ino shouted.

 

“It's for my religion,” Hidan retorted.

 

“Your religion needs some serious work,” Sakura said.

 

– xxx –

 

“Do you think he was gay for Kakuzu?” Sakura asked walking back to the others.

 

“I don't want to know if he was because I'm going to see the fanart on my laptop when I'm getting home, I bet your ass,” Shikamaru said.

 

“She has to have an ass first,” Sai mumbled.

 

Sakura pointed at his direction warning. “You're having too much fun playing Sai,” she told him.

 

“It's nice,” Sai defended himself.

 

– xxx –

 

“Apparently when he gets back on the show; he's with a manipulative bastard,” Deidara said from his seat reading the script. “This blond can't get a break from those assholes, huh?” He asked because the volumes are higher than the episodes right now even when he can feel a filter episode coming.

 

“Oh; he dies at the end trying to end Sasuke's life,” the blond said reading the last page of Deidara _for now_.

 

“He's not worth your death, sweetheart,” Deidara told the poster of himself with a nod.

 

“Third time's a charm concerning Uchiha's,” Sasori called out from his seat.

 

Deidara snorted despite himself.

 

– xxx –

 

“The Uchiha's are a family who passes their eyeballs like joints,” Kiba said when they were having a break from trying to find the older brother in a clouded day.

 

“Shouldn't weed actually be pleasant? It sounds like acid,” Sakura said next to him while they played on these old game boys and wondering they're old too.

 

“I can't talk about that when I'm on the job,” Kiba retorted.

 

Sakura laughed.

 

Sasuke looked at the camera amused despite himself.

 

– xxx –

 

“He didn't really win, you know?” Ino said reading the script with a raised brow. “Because it mentions that Itachi had an illness that was killing him so it made him not be at his full strength. This was just straight up 'I'ma let you kill me' shit,” she said.

 

“He didn't actually kill off Orochimaru either,” Sakura said reading over her shoulder.

 

“Does he actually kill off anyone?” Ino asked.

 

“I have no clue. It is a mystery,” the pinkette retorted.

 

“They're allowed to talk shit about Sasuke because they used to be his fans,” Naruto said tapping on his phone.

 

“Shouldn't you be defending him?” Sai asked.

 

“I'm off the clock,” Naruto said.

 

– xxx –

 

“Apparently there's a filter episode where I get kissed from a woman I don't even know,” Naruto said even when they have long past that episode. They were nearing the attack of Konoha, really.

 

“Hoe,” the pinkette mumbled.

 

Naruto grinned. “Sakura had that reaction too! She gets pretty much furious at the woman.”

 

Sakura nodded.

 

“Remember that woman from that movie who basically told Naruto that they could have sex and he agreed obviously?” Sai questioned.

 

“Yes,” they both said.

 

“Remember the moment where Sai tries to kiss Naruto because the book told him too” Ino called out.

 

“Yes,” Sai replied.

 

“Then Naruto tries to use the same tactic with Sakura,” Sakura said thinking it over.

 

“There's that filter where Sai tries to flirt with Sakura because she's right there but she gets too excited at this… what? Sport and accidentally punches him in the store,” Naruto said.

 

Sakura smiled apologetically at Sai who only nodded.

 

– xxx –

 

“Sakura has been hugging Konan for over an hour,” Nagato said to the camera with a slight smile. He had heavy make up on him to make him a walking corpse.

 

“She is treated horribly after this,” Sakura mumbled while she just hugged the blue-haired woman who was currently reading a book with a slight smile. She was basically laying on the blue-haired woman.

 

“She is,” Konan agreed nodding turning another page.

 

“Deidara should have blown up Tobi instead,” Sakura whispered.

 

“Don't I wish the same,” Deidara whispered from the other couch because apparently he's still needed. The directors won't tell them why and won't say anything no matter what.

 

“Tobi is a nice guy,” Tobi defended.

 

“Only to that woman you lost,” Sasori said.

 

“That's a spoiler that's not even posted yet,” he hissed.

 

Sasori shrugged. “I couldn't care less a shit about them even if you paid me,” he retorted.

 

“We're not talking about the Uchiha fucks, we're talking about this angel who deserved to live,” Sakura retorted before she nuzzled a smiling now Konan.

 

“You're enjoying this,” Nagato told her amused.

 

“You would too if you got a pretty woman hugging you,” Konan retorted.

 

Sakura grinned.

 

– xxx –

 

“The fucking Sharingan kills her off” Deidara hissed out when Konan laid there in the water waiting for the scene to be cut and she can leave the scene.

 

“I told you she gets treated horribly after she leaves Konoha.”

 

“You still think the good boy Tobi is the good soul?” Konan called out once the director called cut while she was getting out from the square pool.

 

“He has flaws,” Tobi said allowing it.

 

“Major big flaws, yeah.”

 

– xxx –

 

“Sasuke's a bastard friend and I don't know why Naruto still tries,” Sai said after they just filmed the Team Taka being Akatsuki. He rolled his eyes. “Sai's been a better friend than to the blond then all the years Sasuke and Naruto known each other,” he said.

 

“Not many people like the anime Sasuke,” Temari said.

 

“It gives them good reasons why. He just started a war and he wants to kill off his hometown because they got to live while Itachi suffers; they don't even fucking know the real reason why the massacre happened. It likes their father's spirit lives inside him because of the damn civil war. He stabbed his current teammate to get to Danzo, he's not a good person,” he hissed out.

 

“I don't care about his reasons. It's his actions and his words that stand out more, I'm not a fan of him and I'm not the only actor to think so,” Sai added after a moment.

 

“Wasn't he only created for Naruto to have someone to be rivals with?” Kankuro questioned curiously.

 

Sai shrugged.

 

– xxx –

 

Sai pointed at the scene where they just filmed Karui beating up Naruto because of Sasuke to make his point more solid.

 

“I don't know why they still try” Sasuke called out.

 

“Neither do I” Sai retorted.

 

– xxx –

 

“I'm just itching to kill you,” Sasuke said smiling on the bridge.

 

Kakashi remained unimpressed.

 

“He couldn't care less a fuck,” Deidara whispered from the background.

 

“He looks like he wants to be somewhere else,” Ino said.

 

“If I had someone who has a serious attitude problem telling me they want to murder me; I would too” Karin commented.

 

“Of course you would leave if someone threatens you. What the fuck is this” Sakura said.

 

Sasori smirked. “At least we know one woman would survive in a horror situation,” the redhead commented.

 

– xxx –

 

“He was a massive dumbass” Deidara told Sasori while Tobi stares at him from his new mask.

 

“I don't know what Pein was thinking when he let the man inside the organization” Deidara continued even when that wasn't his line but he wants to say this.

 

“Okay,” Tobi called out.

 

“What happened to be the good boy? Someone's on the naughty list” Deidara mocked.

 

Tobi gave him the finger in response.

 

– xxx –

 

“Shinobi War has been started. I have several things to say about that,” Sakura said clapping her hands to get the others attention. Once she has it; she gave the Uchiha's a look. “Uchiha's cannot keep their business to themselves like other families, am I right?” She asked.

 

There were various agreements.

 

“This war was started by an Uchiha who used another as his little scapegoat. This hatred thing gets so old fast; honestly c'mon on. Do you guys ever talk in your family or just say 'fuck it. An eye for an eye' literally,” she asked curiously.

 

There were a few chuckles.

 

“People from Konoha has started this war because 'Madara' was from there. Sasuke's from there. Itachi's from there. I'm honestly surprised no one's going to slaughter anyone from that village but hey; since there's the ton of fucking Zetsu's running around now; you might as lie to your commanding officer and say I thought they were a Zetsu; my bad.”

 

Sasori snorted while Deidara laughed.

 

Sakura grinned shrugging with her hands up.

 

“Your character screw that idea up,” Kurotsuchi said amused.

 

Sakura pointed at the woman with a smile. “She's too smart for her own good, okay. You can't blame the pinkette.”

 

“I'm still bitter that Sakura and Sasori didn't reunite,” Kankuro voiced out smiling.

 

Sakura nodded smiling. “I suppose that matter was closed in Kishi's eyes.”

 

“It didn't stop you from butting in, yeah” Deidara called out.

 

– xxx –

 

“Why the fuck are you taller?” Sakura asked suddenly there while Kankuro started to laugh.

 

“You're not in this scene,” a guy she doesn't know says. She just waved them off and looked at the amused Sasori.

 

“No, I'm serious. I had to leave my battle to ask. Are you wearing heels under this?” She questioned him.

 

Deidara snorted.

 

Sasori gave her a look amused. “We live together; you should know,” he pointed out.

 

“I do not live with an Akatsuki member. What are you talking about?” She asked while her lips twitched. “Did Kabuto really fuck with your head to say that? You poor sad little man,” she whispered.

 

Sasori laughed. It was a lovely sound.

 

“You're really handsome,” she said grinning.

 

Sasori raised a brow at her. “You're making me remember the early videos where that Poison song was used,” he said softly. They've been flirting on and off since they met; the ones who grew up with them are used to by now.

 

Sakura laughed this time. “Don't forget the fics where the writers find the less bullshit comic science to bring him back from the dead,” she reminded him.

 

Sasori nodded. “And look now?” He raised his arms up. “They got their wish,” he said.

 

“They did not reunite but it's cute they're going to show her in his thoughts when the manga didn't,” she said.

 

“She certainly changed him,” Sasori agreed.

 

“Kankuro would have been shit out of luck if she didn't,” Sakura said nodding.

 

Kankuro nodded.

 

– xxx –

 

“I'm butting in this scene to ask something to Deidara I've been itching to,” Ino said pushing people away from her to head to the amused blond tangled up in a thick wire.

 

“I'm sure you're aware that there are smut fics where Deidara uses his hands,” she began and Deidara snorted out a laugh.

 

“Do you ever think he used both of his hands to jerk off once?” Ino asked and she grinned when she noticed Sakura throwing her head back laughing from her seat while Sasori only smirked amusedly.

 

The blond snorted but he thought about it. “He honestly might have.”

 

“There was a fic where he did but Kakuzu had to sew it back on because the teeth bite down instead of the tongue doing its movement,” Sakura said finishing awkwardly from her seat.

 

“What do you read in fics?” Deidara questioned awed.

 

“Things that I will remember” Sakura answered.

 

“It is indeed something to remember” Sasori allowed.

 

“Did Kakuzu have a reaction?” Ino questioned.

 

“He laughed so hard before sewing back on” Sakura answered.

 

“I would too” Deidara admitted.

 

– xxx –

 

“I'm not into S&M!” Deidara shouted while they were crossing the trees to their destination and they stopped suddenly when Kankuro turned his attention on the blond awed.

 

“In order to not be into it; he had to have a sex life,” Sai remarked.

 

“Well. At least he didn't die a virgin” Kankuro allowed.

 

“I wonder who introduced it to him” Sai mused.

 

Kankuro and Deidara stared at each other. “Hidan?” Kankuro questioned warily.

 

Deidara made a face.

 

“What's that face for?” Hidan shouted from his seat.

 

“Imaging the sex with you, yeah” Deidara answered.

 

– xxx –

 

“I am dead. I blew myself up. How the hell was I going to survive that?” Deidara asked Kurotsuchi even when this wasn't his line. Honestly, he told Sasori this; now Kurotsuchi. Who's next?

 

Kurotsuchi stared at him. “I don't know. You came out from worse, I suppose,” she said.

 

“You can't even save face,” Deidara told her amused.

 

Kurotsuchi shook her head smiling.

 

– xxx –

 

“Apparently in this filter; Hidan comes back naked. Something we never wanted to see,” Sakura said with a tired look.

 

“Kabuto has curly hair too. How does that happen?” Naruto asked.

 

“You're focusing on the hair, yeah?” Deidara called out amused.

 

“It's better than focusing on the pagan's dick,” Naruto answered.

 

“I like being naked,” Hidan moved his body a little and he smirked when he heard the groans from the three while they looked away from him.

 

“This filter doesn't make sense really. Because why would these two change their clothes?” Kabuto asked reading the script confused gesturing to Naruto and Sakura.

 

“How does Deidara come to the picture when he should be tired up bondage style?” Kabuto questioned next.

 

“Bondage,” Sakura whispered to Deidara who smirked.

 

– xxx –

 

“Sakura just destroyed the ground and it's fucking great,” Deidara commented while Sasori nodded watching the episode.

 

“He was spot on,” Sasori said referring to the redhead's character.

 

“You have faith in her where no one else did,” Deidara agreed. They shared a look before they re-watched the scene.

 

_'I might just take the Hokage role myself' Sakura said smiling._

 

“That would be a sight. Her being Hokage,” the blonde said.

 

Sasori nodded. “She will take no one's shit.”

 

“Might throw someone out of the window, yeah.”

 

“Break pens and crack desks,” Sasori continued.

 

“Will never stop filling out paperwork because she's a workaholic.”

 

Sasori and Deidara shared a nod.

 

– xxx –

 

“Are you fucking serious?” Konan questioned even when her role was finished but she wants to be on set to see the progress and the others stopped and stare because she's not the one for curses.

 

“Obito Uchiha does this for a woman he lost. Rin fucking Nohara and she welcome him into the afterlife like that. Ain't that nice of her,” she stressed out.

 

Obito and Rin shared a glance before they nodded.

 

“You two are horrible,” Konan told them seriously.

 

They nodded again.

 

“That's why they deserve each other” Kakashi remarked.

 

– xxx –

 

“What the fuck. Really” Deidara remarked.

 

“She loves him. Truly loves him” Sakura said.

 

Deidara stared at her. “Giving her a genjutsu to show he shoves his hand into her chest sure did cover it up on his part but hey; that's how he does his love, huh.”

 

“Have you seen his family? Sarada's literally the sane one,” Sakura pointed out.

 

“I still like the part where she answers 'a dad' from that episode,” Deidara admitted.

 

“It was pretty funny in a fucked up way” Sakura replied nodding.

 

“Orochimaru has a son in Boruto” Sasori pointed out flat.

 

“I honestly thought he found the way to give birth to it” Sai admitted.

 

Sasori held up his hand to stop that conversation starter.

 

“Sarada doesn't even know the snake's a woman or man. It's like Naruto seeing Haku for the first time” Naruto remarked.

 

“He thought Haku was a prettier girl then Sakura-chan” Himawari answered.

 

“He was” Sakura replied remembering pictures of her younger self-compared to Haku.

 

“Didn't Kishi say that Orochimaru became immortal?” Sai questioned.

 

“Great” Deidara said sarcastically.

 

“He also wants or wouldn't mind seeing Sakura dead” Sai added.

 

“I want him dead too. It's great that it's mutual” Sakura remarked.

 

“I picked wonderfully,” Sasori said smirking.

 

– **xxx – xxx – xxx –**

 

**Here you go. I tried to make this whole thing funny but at least it was crack, right?**

 

**The fic about Dei getting his dick to sew back on did happen and it's real. Was it written in Itachi's Dairies? I think that was the title. Pretty crack and I love it.**

 

**I might remake the other fic. It's been a while and I think I might be inspired to make things last then put nearly everything in a chapter and the Akatsuki was never featured either. Those reactions. Oh dear…**

 

**Bye bye, people.**


End file.
